Author's Notes:  
This chapter is dedicated to all the peeps in the Boy Band 
Chat Room.  Especially Clive...cause, well cause he's Clive.  
Hey Bro, I expect the that envelope containing the American 
Currency in my mailbox sometime this week :)

Disclaimer:
You see, you read and you know.  Knowledge is everything.
Just make sure you're of age and are not lame enough to
beleive that any of this is true.  Well except for the
fact that JC is one beautiful and talented individual
and that Lance is...well Lance is Lance. 

Send all comment to me at:  k_magic@prodigy.net

Enjoy!

---------------------------------
Beyond What Is - Chapter Fourteen
---------------------------------


I opened my eyes to darkness.  I was in a sitting in a chair with 
my arms on the arm rests.  In the distance I could see a light.
It was moving closer to me, like a spot light shining down on the 
black emptiness in front of me.  It's origin unknown and beyond 
my sight.  It zig zagged along the ground until it was shinning 
directly on me.  The light was so bright, yet I couldn't move my 
hands to shield my eyes.  All around me was silence and blackness.

"What's the problem Kyle?"  The voice boomed out of the darkness.

"What?"

"Why aren't you happy Kyle?"

"I don't know."

"You said you loved him Kyle."

"I do."

"Then why aren't you happy Kyle."

"I said I don't know...can't you leave me alone."

"He loves you Kyle."

"I know."

"Then what's the problem Kyle?"

"You're beginning to piss me off."

"Then run Kyle."

"WHAT?"

"You know you want to Kyle."

"Fuck...let me out of here."  I was struggling to get free but I 
couldn't move.

"Isn't that what you do Kyle?"

"What do I do?"

"Run Kyle."

"I do not."

"Yes you do Kyle."

"When?"

"All your life Kyle."

"You're wrong."

"Josh came along just in time, didn't he Kyle."

"What the fuck are you talking about now."

"He was a nice excuse for you to run, wasn't he Kyle."

"WHAT?"

"To run from Jen...Things were getting too serious there huh Kyle."

"You're warped."

"You used him to get out, didn't you Kyle."

"That's not what happened and you know it...I fell for Josh, I fell 
for him hard.

"What's going to be you're excuse this time Kyle."

"I'm not like that."

"Yes you are Kyle."

"Fuck you.  You don't know me...you don't know what I'm feeling."

"Yes I do Kyle."

"Then what the fuck am I feeling."

"Trapped Kyle."

"No...No I'm not."

"Then why aren't you happy Kyle."

"Cause I'll be all alone."

"So the truth finally comes out, huh Kyle."

"He has to leave...go back to Florida and forget me." 

Tears started to flow out of my eyes and my heart started to beat 
faster.

"Scared...are we Kyle."

"Yes...God yes...I love him."

"Then why are you driving him away Kyle?"

"Cause he'll be better off without me."

"Better...you're hurting him Kyle."

"I know I am...but it's better this way.  He has his life and I 
have mine.  We can't sacrifice who we are just to be together.  It 
will always be there...eating away at both of us.  I'd rather hurt 
him now than make him suffer later."

"So you do love him, don't you Kyle."

"Yes I love him...But I've got to do what is right...Right for us 
both."

"Is that what Josh wants Kyle."

"I don't know...But it feels like the right thing to do."

"Are you sure Kyle."

"Yes."

The light started to dim and the blackness crept in on me.  As 
the light faded away, I could feel the darkness upon me.  I felt 
it squeezing me and I couldn't breath. I closed my eyes as the 
pressure on my chest increased.  It felt like my lungs were going 
to explode.  My eyes flew open to light and Josh's glaring eyes.

He was sitting on top of me, straddling my chest.  His knees were 
pinning my arms down.  His hair was messed up from a night of sleep 
and the stubble on his face made him look haggard.  His eyes were 
crystal blue and his appearance made them look intense.

"Good morning to you too Josh."

"You're not going any where until you tell me what the fuck is 
going on."

"Can you please get off of me first."

"No...now start talking."

"What do you want me to say?"

"What do I want you to say....I want you to say that there's nothing
wrong...I want you to say that everything is fine...I want you to
say that after tonight there will still be us....that is what I want
you to say."

"Josh, please...please can we have this conversation later."

"Why Kyle...Please, I would like to know why we can't have this 
conversation now."

"Cause, I have something that I have to tell Jay before breakfast.
It's not going to be the easiest thing to tell him and I'm not 
looking forward to telling him."

"So don't tell him."

"Josh, it's something that I have to tell him...something he needs 
to know.  Can our convo hold off until after that?"

"Yeah, I guess it can wait...what is it that you have to tell him?"

Josh eased up on my arms and slid his body down until he was laying 
on top of me.  He crossed his arms over my chest and we were looking 
at each other face to face.

"I can't...."

He started to grid his groin into mine and he was grinning at me.

"Come on Kyle...you can tell me."

"Hey knock it off...I have to go talk to Jay and you have to get 
ready."

"Ready for what?"

"Oh...We were invited over to Sylvia's house for breakfast at 9 am...
What time is it anyways?"

"It's 8:00 am."

"Well I'm going to go talk to Jay and you can lay here for a while."

"Oh no you don't."  He said as he leaned down and started to kiss my 
neck.  "First you're going to tell me what you have to tell Jay." He 
continued to kiss around my neck and then raised his head and smiled.
"Please..."

He continued to look in my eyes as he leaned in and brought his hands 
to the sides of my head and started to kiss me.

My arms went around him and rolled us both over.  I broke the kiss 
and smiled at him.

"You do not play fair...but really, I've got to go talk to Jay."

"Please...Pretty please...tell me....come on...you know you want too."
He said planting a kiss somewhere on my upper body in-between phrases.

I smiled at him and leaned down to his ear and started to whisper to
him.

"Promise not to say a word to anyone until I can talk with Jay."

"I promise...Gee I won't tell...hmmm...Lance..." He whispered back.

"Funny, singing boy...Well...you see...."

"Yeah..."

"You know Sylvia?  Right...."

"You know I do...."

"And you know she has a gay son right?"

"Yeah...."

"Well...."

"Come on Kyle...tell me already."

"Well........if you were to go back 24 years and get an egg from 
Jay's mother and a sperm from Sylvia's gay son....9 months later 
you would have Jay."

I was pushed off of Josh and onto the other side of the bed.

"Shut up!  You're joking right."

"Nope."

"I thought his father was dead."

"I guess that is the story that Jane came up with after he decided 
that he couldn't keep himself in the closet.  She did what she 
thought was the best for Jay and dropped all contact with him and 
went into hiding."

"Shit...How are you going to tell him?"

"Well I guess I'll find out right now."

I got up off the bed and started for the door.

"Good luck."

"Thanks...and remember..."

I looked around the room and then back at him.

"Don't tell Lance ok."

"Oh ok." He said sticking his tongue out at me.

"Hey...you stick that out, you better be prepared to use it."

"Oh I'm prepared...But you said you had to go talk to Jay..."

"Grrrr....Ok...be ready to go by 9 K."

"K"

"Oh and if you do see Lance, you can tell him.  It would be pretty 
sad if His Whiteness is the only one that is in the dark when we go 
there.  Actually, I'll send him over to talk to you. That will keep 
him out of my hair."

"Ok Kyle...again...Good luck."

I smiled at him and walked out the door.

I walked down the hall to the room Jay and Lance were in and stopped.
I could hear them talking inside.  I lightly knocked on the door.

"It's Kyle, if you guys are on a break...Can I come in?"

"Come on in."

Slowly opened the door and poked my head in. 

"Sorry to bug you guys, but I need to talk to you Jay...alone, if 
that's ok."

"Yeah, it's fine...Is Josh up?"

"Yeah Lance, he is...I told him I would send you down to talk 
to him."

Lance got up and walked by me smiling. "You two ok?"

"That's a song that has yet to be sung."

"What does that mean."

"It means not now Casper K."

"Ok, see ya in a bit Hon."

He blew a kiss at Jay and then walked out the door.  I walked over 
to the bed and sat down.

"So I take it this is what was on your mind last night but didn't
want to tell me."

"Kinda."

"So talk."

"I don't know where to begin Jay..."

"Try at the beginning."

"I can only tell you what I know."

"And that is?"

"After I took off last night, I was sitting on the beach and Sylvia
from next door came out and took me back to her house.  When I got
there, I was looking at some pictures she had.  And you know that 
picture of you and me that was taken of us that first summer we 
met...the one that your mother kept on the coffee table in the family 
room?"

"Yeah."

"Well Sylvia had a copy of it."

"So...should I be wondering how she got a copy?"

"Well, I was wondering too...and found out. Jay...Sylvia is your 
grandmother."

"WHAT!"

Jay, who was leaning back in the bed, rose to a sitting position and
was staring at me with a confused look on his face.

"She's your grandmother Jay...I guess your mom sent her that picture.
And while I was over there...I met her son...your father."

Jay had a blank look on his face as he got up out of the bed.  He 
started to walk back and forth in front of me.

"I don't believe you...He's dead...He's dead Kyle."

"Jay, it's your choice to believe me or not...but you know I've 
never lied to you before.  He's your father Jay."

He turn to me and fell to his knees in front of me.  Tears were 
forming in his eyes as he looked up at me.

"Why...Why would mom lie to me...why?"

"Jay...I guess after you were born, he fell in love with someone 
and your mother couldn't handle it.  So she took you and ran.  She 
was hurt Jay...don't blame her.  She did what she thought was the 
best for you.  She made up the lie to protect you."

"He let her just leave...he didn't fight...He just fell in love 
with some other women and decided that I wasn't worth it and boom..
that was it."

"Jay...the other person, well I also met him last night too."

"He's gay?"

I nodded and he started to shake his head and look down at the 
ground. I put my hand on his shoulder and he looked back up at 
me.

"Jay, times were different back then.  He had no rights and he had
no idea where Jane took you.  Remember that ok."

"I can't see him Kyle...I can't."

"Jay...He's your father...Give him a chance.  He seems like a 
great guy as does his husband."

"I just don't..."

He had this lost look on his face.  I dropped down to the ground 
and pulled him into a hug.

"Come on Jay...Just come to breakfast...Meet your father and go 
from there.  Take your own advice...take things minute by minute.  
What do you have to lose?"

He broke the hug and wiped the tears out of his eyes.

"I just don't know what I'm going to say...What the hell do you 
say to someone you thought was dead?  Your father even."

"You can start by saying Hello."

"You make it sound so simple."

"Well, if I was in your shoes and you were in mine...What would you 
be telling me right now?"

"Probably to stop being a pussy, suck it up and go meet your father."

"Well there you go then." I said with a smile knowing by the look on
his face that he had it all figured out.

"Thanks Kyle."

"Any time Missy."

"Asshole." He said pushing me backward a little too hard.  I fell 
back hitting me head on the bed frame.

"Damn." I said and I straightened myself up and started to stand up.

"Oh my god Kyle, I'm sorry."

"It's ok." I said standing up and feeling the slight bump that was
forming on my head.  As soon as I stood completely up, the pain hit.

"Do you have any aspirin?"  I said as I sat back down on the bed.

"Yeah, hold on." He said going to his travelling case and pulling 
out a pack and tossing it to me.  "Do you want me to kiss it and 
make it feel better?...Just like Mom used to."

"Shut up."

"You know she would if she was here...Her poor Kyle baby hurt."

"You can shut up at any time now."

"Hey...sorry...it's not my fault that every time we were playing and
you got hurt your mother came running out to tend to her Kyle baby."

"Whatever...Ummm Jay?"

"Yeah?"

"After Josh and I left...What did she say?"

"She said you two make a really cute couple."

"WHAT?  She knew...what about everyone else?"

"Come one Kyle, your family isn't a bunch of idiots.  They saw 
there was something between you two.  As soon and Josh showed up, 
you had this smile on your face and this look of pure happiness. 
You my friend can not hide your emotions very well.  Your dad was 
kinda quiet but said he was glad that you found someone that made 
you happy."

"I don't know how I'm going to go back and face them."

"What do you mean."

"Come on...one day they have this great son in a loving relationship
with a beautiful girl and now they have someone that they don't even
know that is in love with a man."

"Oh give it a rest Kyle...you know damn well your mother hated Jen
and I hate to break it to you, but...so did everyone else in your 
family. Plus are you that much of a fuck head that you don't realize
that your family will love you no matter what...gay, straight or what
ever the fuck you are."

I nodded knowing he was right.  My family would accept me no matter
who I chose to love.

"Family is family...you should know that Kyle."

"As should you...now enough talking about my fucked up problems.  We
need to start getting ready for you to meet your father."

The smile on his face faded and the usually confident cocky look that
Jay normal wore on his face disappeared.  It was replaced by a look
of uncertainty.

"I still don't know what I'm going to say to him."

I got up and pulled him into a hug.

"You'll think of something."

There was a knock on the door.

"Can I come in?"

We broke apart and I opened the door.  Lance stepped in and walked 
passed me right into Jay's arms.

"God Jay, Josh told me...are you ok?"

"Yeah, a little nervous...but I'm good."

"If you two will excuse me, I'm going to go get ready."

I left them and walked back to the master bedroom.  Josh was still 
sitting in bed.

"Hey, you were suppose to get ready you."

"I know I know....So how did it go?"

"Good...I think he's actually looking forward to meeting him."

"God, that would be too weird...just out of the blue like that...one 
minute your father is dead and the next he's in your life after never
knowing him."

"Yeah, I can only imagine what is going on in his mind right now...
Well, since your lazy ass is still in bed, I'm hitting the shower."

I grabbed my overnight case and headed into the bathroom.  I turned 
on the shower water and started to get undressed.  Josh walked in 
and started to get undressed too.

"Oh sure...now you want to get ready."

"Well, I was kinda waiting for you."

"Ok, but no funny business.  We don't have time for any of your 
monkey shine sonny."

"Sure sure gramps."

I adjusted the water temperature and we got in.  I was standing 
behind him and once he got his hair wet, I poured some shampoo into 
my hands and started to wash his hair.  I moved his head under the 
stream of water to rinse and then turned the knob on the shower head 
to cut the water off.  I soaped up my hands and stared with his back 
stared to run them over his body. My cock stiffened fast as I felt 
every muscle on him.  I turned him around and drew him against me.  
With his hard cock falling into place next to mine, we kissed.  He 
turned me around and switched the knob back on, starting up the water
again.  We continued to kiss as the warm water ran over my head and 
down my body.  All of a sudden the water turned ice cold. I broke 
the kiss and tried to jump out of the stream of water.  Josh held me
in place.

"I think we could both use a little cooling off."

"Fuck Josh...it's too cold."

He held us both under the cold water until it had done it's job.  He
then turned back on the hot water and adjusted the temperature.

"I think we better stick to washing ourselves." He said handing me 
the shampoo."

I took it and we finished our shower without further incident. Josh
finished first and stepped out and dried himself.  As I finished and
stepped out, he was standing there with a towel held out.  I stepped
into it and took it from his hands.

"Thank you."

He just smiled at me and walked to the sink and started to shave. 
I finished drying myself and wrapped the towel around my waist and 
walked up behind Josh.  He had just finished shaving and was rinsing 
his face off.  I handed him a hand towel and he dried his face off. 
I looked at his reflection in the mirror and he had left a goatee 
on his face.  He looked so sexy, I stopped breathing just at the 
sight of him.  I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned forward
and kissed his shoulder.  He put the towel down and his hands went 
to mine.  In the mirror I could see that he had shut his eyes.

"Mmmmmm."

My right hand ran up along his stomach and up to his chest.  My 
hand felt so at home.  It stopped right over his heart and his hand 
covered it.  He leaned back against me and opened his eyes.

"This feels so right Kyle.  I've never felt this way for anyone."

"Josh...I...."

He turned around in my arms and put his finger up to my lips.

"Shhhh."

He leaned forward and started to kiss me. His tongue entered my 
mouth and my mind went blank.  He turned me around and wrapped 
his arms around me and lifted me up on the counter.  As we continued 
to kiss, I could feel him reaching around on the counter and then he 
stopped.  I could hear his shaking the can of shaving cream.  I broke
the kiss and looked at him.

"So...What do you think you're doing?"

He just smiled back at me and squirted some shaving cream into his 
hand and lathered up my face.  He picked up the razor.

"Do you want anything left?"

I shook my head and he tilted my head up and started to run the razor
along my jaw line.  His touch was so gentle and his strokes so light.
It was most sensuous shave I've ever experienced.  He continued to
tilt my head and shave me and when he finished, he took a warm damp
towel and cleaned the rest of the shaving cream off my face.  He ran
the backs of his finger up and down my cheek.

"All done...nice and smooth."

"Thanks...I might need to keep you around just fo...."

I couldn't finish the sentence.  The thought of him leaving in less 
than 10 hours popped back into my mind.  I jumped of the counter
and walked out of the bathroom.  Josh followed me and when I reached
the dresser, he put his hand on my shoulder.

"Kyle, would you please tell me what is going on here...Why is it 
that one moment I feel like we are the happiest couple on this earth
and then a second later we are on different planets."

"Cause we are Josh." I said turning to face him. "And there's no 
changing that fact."

"And that is a bad thing?"

"No, but...."

Just then there was a knock at the door.

"Are you two ready yet...it's almost 9."

"Yeah Lance, give us a second."  Josh yelled towards the door.

"We are talking after breakfast...I mean it too Kyle."

I looked at him and nodded, knowing that I was not looking forward 
to that conversation.

We got dressed and did our hair and headed out.  Jay was sitting on
the couch with Lance in his arms.

"It's about fuckin' time...damn you two are worse that women."

"Sure sure Missy."

Jay shot me a look that could kill.

"Missy?  How come you just can't call people by their god given names
Kyle?"

"Cause, you look like a Casper more than a Lance and Jay...well he's
just Missy?"

"Where did that nickname come from anyways?"

"It's a long story Josh and we need to go."

After he said that, Jay pushed Lance up and stood up behind him.

"Do you really want to know Josh?"

He nodded at me.

"No you don't Josh..."

"I want to know too."

"NO...you don't Lance."

Jay's voice grew louder and he was glaring at me.

"Gee I guess I can't tell you guy the story."

"Shit...go ahead Kyle...these two will never rest until they find it
out."

Jay dropped back onto the couch and put his feet up onto the table 
hard, making a loud boom as his shoes came in contact with the table.

"Awww don't be like that Hon...if you don't want me to know...I don't
want to know."

"Ohhh but I do."

"Go ahead Kyle...tell them."

"Oh give it a rest Jay...You know damn well it is a funny story."

"To you it is."

"Ok guys, he's upset now...I'll save it for another time."

"Fuck you Kyle...go ahead....never mind....Let see, back when I 
was 19 I got this strange urge to dress up in my mother's clothes.  
Don't ask me why...I just did.  So when she was at work, I went to 
her room and dressed up in this black sequin dress that she had and 
put on some panty hose and some nice black pumps.  I was looking at 
myself in the mirror and since the shoes were too small for me, I 
lost my balance in the shoes.  I twisted both my ankles and hit my 
head on one of the tables.  When I came to, Kyle was standing over 
me laughing his head off."

Josh and Lance were trying their best not to fall apart laughing. 
Their faces were red and they had pretty much fallen together into 
the lazyboy.

"So finally I am able to sit up and all this stupid asshole can say 
is:  Ummm Ok Missy, how many times has your mother told you to stay 
out of women's clothes...you're way too young for that. Then I passed
out again."

"What I never told Jay was that when I first found him, well he was
kinda pitching this major tent under that dress.  It took me few 
moments to stop laughing and to start worrying about his condition."

"Shut up...I was not."

"Sure sure Jay." I said pulling out my wallet. "I've been waiting 
for just the right moment to show you this."

I pulled a picture out of my wallet and handed to him.

"Fuckin' asshole...You mean I was lying there unconscious and you 
took a picture."  He took one look at it and his mouth dropped.

"Of course...what kind of friend would I have been not to have."

Josh and Lance jumped up and went flying towards the picture, but
he shoved it down his pants.

"You so die for that one asshole."

"Bring it on Missy."

"Come on Jay...let us see it."

"I don't think so...that is so burned."

I picked JC up and Lance stood up and they both went back to the 
chair.

"Don't worry about it guys...in a few weeks hit the internet and go 
to WWW dot JaysAFreak dot com."

"Oh you fuckin' better not even think about it Kyle."

"Oh ok Jay." I said smiling at him and walking across the room. "Are 
you going to finish the story, or do you want me to finish it adding
my own twist to it."

"Shit...Ok fine...So the next thing I knew, I'm woke up to Kyle on 
the phone with my mother laughing his head off asking if he should 
call an ambulance or take me to the hospital.  He sees that I'm awake
and hands the phone, still laughing.  My mother proceeds to bitch me 
out about how I better not have ruined her dress or her pumps and to 
get the fuck out of her clothes so Kyle could take me to the hospital."

Josh and Lance were now doubled over laughing and I walked over to 
the couch and sat down next to Jay.

"And our little Jason here got to be examined by a very cute doctor,
who felt more than the little bump on Jay's head."  I said running
my hand over the top of his head, messing up his hair.

"Yeah, he was one fine stud of a doctor and I was enjoying all the 
touching he was giving...So now you jerks know why the Asshole calls 
me Missy...Can we go now?"

We got up off the couch and Josh and Lance were able to stop laughing 
and follow us out the door.  Lance walked up to Jay and put his arm 
around him.

"I guess I gotta tell Momma to hide all her good dresses when I take 
you home."

"You better watch your mouth blonde boy or after the next bet you
lose everyone will be calling you Missy too."

"Been there, done that...God Josh remember that video..."

"Shit...don't remind me."

"What...did you and Lance do a little cross dressing...Oh I want to
see that video."

"Oh my god...I know that video...it was for You Drive Me Crazy...Kyle
you should see Josh in that.  He looks like a total slutty diva."

"Hey...Lance looked worse than I did."

"Umm Josh...is that a good thing or a bad thing." I whispered in his 
ear.

He smiled back at me as we reached the deck to Slyvia's house.