---------------------------- Beyond What Is - Chapter Two ---------------------------- The darkness lifted. It was daylight outside, but my eyelids wouldn't open. With every pulse of blood in my head, I felt a pounding as if someone was beating my head with a bat. I put both my hands up to my head and pressed at my temples with the palms of my hands. The pain was so bad...I rolled over and after a second of free falling, I landed on the floor with a thud. I always thought it was funny when a cartoon character saw stars...I never knew a person actually saw them...but I saw them. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter and it made it worse. I felt like I was on the edge of passing out. I slowly rolled onto my back and opened my eyes. "Ok Kyle..get your ass up...it's got to be after 2 or 3 and you have things to do today." I started to get up and the pounding in my head got worse. I glanced at the clock. "What the hell..." The clock read 8:55. "Jay called at 9 am....how could it be 8:55 and still be light outside..." Then it hit me...I had passed out and it was now Friday at 8:55am. I had been out for over 20 hours. I got up and went into the bathroom, took a quick wiz and sat looking at myself in the mirror. I looked like shit. I turned the faucet on and washed my face with the cold water. I turned away from the mirror and dried my face. I didn't want to see the reflection of me the mirror was showing. I grabbed the bottle of Advil and threw four into my mouth and swallowed. As I was walking towards the shower, the phone started to ring. I walked out of the bathroom and picked it up. "Hello" "Hey Ky." "Oh god what do you want?" "You know, it is always nice to call you to say hi...it is such a fun experience." "It would be funner if you were just calling to say Hi...but that's never the case. You only call when you want something....So what is it this time Shell...need a new car...purhaps a kidney..." "You can be such an asshole sometime Kyle." "Now is that anyway to talk to your brother who's going to do something for you that he probably doesn't want to do...Now talk...what am I doing?" "Well...are you busy tonight?" "Not really...why?" "I was wondering if you could come watch Kell for tonight...I have to fly to Chicago and Rick is in Dallas." "When will you be back?" "Tomorrow...about 3pm. Could you please do me this favor...Kell does not want to go to Mom and Dads'." "Well can you blame her...neither of us would want to go there either." "Now Ky...be nice, they are our parent, but you're right, I wouldn't want to go there either...so what do you say?" "What time?" "I have to leave like in 15 minutes. Kell will be out of school at 3pm. Thank you so much...you know how much I love you." "I would know if when I got to your house, there was a few pieces of paper with pictures of dead presidents on them laying on the counter for me." "Deal...thanks...I gotta go...love you." "Have a safe trip." I hung up the phone and headed to the shower. After a quick shower, I packed a small bag, feed the cat and headed out. My headache was gone thanks to the Advil, but I still felt like shit. I arrived at Shelly's house at 10 am. On the counter was two hundred dollar bills and a note. Ky, Kellie will be home at 3 pm. She doesn't know that I had to leave. Please pretend to be a grown up. Buy real food with the money and behave. Thanks again. Love Shelly "Too cool...pizza and enough left over to pay for Saturday night with Jen." As soon as the words left my lips, a tear formed in my eye. I shoved the money into my wallet and went to the living room to watch TV. Nothing was on, and I had almost five hours before Kellie got out of school. "Well, time to go hack." I headed up to Kellie's room. I opened the door expecting to find the normal disaster area it usually was. I was surprised to find it abnormally clean. I walked in and was immediately face to face with walls covered with posters of Nsync. Most of them where of Justin, but my eyes were drawn to one group posters...right into Josh's eyes. I walked up to it, eyes focused on his. I stood there staring into his eyes for I don't know how long. I had not blinked and when my eyes were finally dried up, I blinked and broke the stare. "Get a grip Kyle...it's only a poster." The poster right next to it was the poster of Jay I had given her. I looked at it. "God Jay...what did I get meself into..." My thought went back to my purpose in Kell's room. I walked over to her computer and powered it on. The password prompt came up. I tried everything I could think of...every possible thing with Justin's name in it. It was 45 minutes later and I still couldn't figure it out. She was getting smart. I had looked all over, cause she usually wrote it down and placed it somewhere...but nothing. On her desk, there was a picture in a frame of me and on it was a post it note. "OLD". "Got her" it yelled as I typed...OldUncleKyle. Boom, I was in. There was a CD in her rom drive. It started up and it was the song we had listen to on the way to the concert. "This I Promise You." I clicked on the Start button and then on the find option and then the file or folder option. I typed in *.jpg and hit the find now button. "Damn" I said out loud as it pulled over 500 files. I scrolled down until I came to the one I was looking for...Jason.jpg. I double clicked on it and it opened. There was my best friend with his paste on body. I was about to delete it, but I wanted to send it to him. I grabbed a new disk out of Kell's box and saved it to the disk. Then deleted it and also went to her recycle bin and deleted it too. I went back to the find window to check to see if she had any more. When I deleted Jason's picture, the next files name was now on top...JC.jpg...I double clicked on it. The picture came up as Josh's voice came on... (I've loved you forever) It was a picture of Josh in a blue silk looking polo shirt (and lifetimes before) My finger went up to the screen and stroked his cheek (and I promise you never) Then I felt it, in my heart first. (will you hurt anymore) beating faster. (I give you my word) The next thing I felt was my cock starting to stir. (I give you my heart) I leaned back and unbuttoned my pants. (This is the battle we won) I pulled my cock out of my briefs. (and with vow) I sat there looking at Josh, while I was stroking my cock. (forever has now begun) My breathing got faster. (I will take you in my arms) My back arced off the chair. (Right where you belong) I threw my head back. (till the day my life is through) I took one last deep breath. (This I promise you) I shot cum all over my t-shirt. As my breathing slowed, my mind focused on what I had just done. I was sitting in my niece's room, on her computer...Jacking off to a picture of Josh, listening to Josh singing. On top of that, I had just came all over my shirt...I had just had an orgasm looking at a picture of a guy...of Josh...Sick...perverted...just plain fucked up. I hit the stop button on the rom drive as the pounding started in my head again. I carefully pulled my shirt off and cleaned up with it. I pulled my breifs back over my now limp cock and buttoned the front of my pants. I looked at the screen again and shook my head. My hand went up to the mouse and I saved the picture to the disk with Jay's picture on it. I walked downstairs and threw my shirt into the washer. I went to my bag and grabbed another t-shirt and put it on. I wanted to check my e-mail, so I went back upstairs and clicked on her AOL icon. She never changed her password for that so I typed in mrstimberlake and as it was going through it sign on procedure, I got up and went to find some asprin. I sat back down infront of the computer and went to check my e-mail. Everytime I was at the point of opening my e-mail screen, I got booted off of AOL. After about 4 tries, I gave up. God AOL sucks. I was bored now, so I clicked on her IM and the window came up. Her buddy list contained over 75 names. I clicked on the list and all the screen names came up. They were all names that had to do with Nsync. One of the names was online. I was about to close it when a window popped up. Her bubby was IMing her. "Damn, Now what am I supposed to do" I said as I looked at the window. Just Lik Butta: Hey K...Watssup? I sat there thinking of what to do. Just Lik Butta: K, are you there...I got your e-mail and an answer for you. I went quickly to her mailbox and check to see who she sent mail to. I was floored when I saw who she had written. Jay's email address was there and so was Lance's. I went back to the IM screen. Well time to have some fun. "Sorry Lance, I stepped away for a sec. How are you?" Just Lik Butta: No problem, I'm doing fine. Oh the answer is Brunettes, Justin likes dark hair more. So it was Lance, or someone pretending to be him, time to find out. "Hey Lance, if you really are Lance Can I ask you a question" Just Lik Butta: K..what brought this on. I thought you knew I was Lance? "Well, I was talking online to another Lance and he said that he had never talked to me before." Just Like Butta: Well ask away, and we'll see if I can prove that I am Lance. "Ok ready?" Just Lik Butta: Yeah...shoot away. "If you are really Lance, you could tell me who Jason Martin is." After 5 minutes he replied. Just Lik Butta: Ummm a model I think. "Wrong" Just Lik Butta: Then who is he? "Your boyfriend..." There was silence on the screen. Then finally a reply. Just Lik Butta: Who is this? "I hear you guys fuck like rabbits" Just Lik Butta: Is this some kind of Joke. Who are you? "Your worst nightmare gayboy, I know you and Jay are fuck buddies." Just Lik Butta: Kyle is that you. Fuck..how did he know...shit I called Jason, Jay...damn. "Hi Lance, had you going there." Just Lik Butta: Kyle, you are such an ass, you had me shitting bricks. So you are K huh. "Haha...no, K is my stalker niece What are you doing chatting with 13 year old girls Lance?" Just Lik Butta: Yeah, I kinda figured she was a stalker...with a screen name like JRTisHot. Well, I get bored and I figure anyone who can figure out my screen name, is worthy of talking to. Your niece is a good one. She's the only one that has gotten it. What is her name anyways, all she tells me is K. "Her name is Kellie, you have my permission to freak her out by using it. Oh and it's not just Justin she has the hots for, she's in love with your boyfriend too. What's up with your screen name?" Just Lik Butta: She likes Jay... That is sooo cute. Oh and my SN... it's because I'm smooth...Just like butter...nah...J L B...James Lance Bass or Just Lik Butta. "Cool...Hey sorry about last night. That was fucked up to end like that. But that is my life right now." Just Lik Butta: Don't worry about it...I'm sorry about you and your girlfriend and for pushing you last night, it wasn't right of me to do that to you...Friends???? "Lance, how can we be friends, I don't even know you. I've met you once." Just Lik Butta: True...True, But I do know a lot about you, more than you think, probably more than Jay knows. "You do huh." Just Lik Butta: I know you're a really smart, funny, and very secretive guy. You project an image of being strong, but when hurt it affect you more than it would most people. You fear getting close to people to protect yourself from being hurt. People confuse your quietness for shyness, but you are very self confident and could care less what people think of you. The friends you do have, you care more about than any of them know and you would protect them with your own life. "You sound like one of those astrology machines at a county fair. That can apply to anyone. Even you." Just Lik Butta: But does it sound a little like you? "Ok...ok...you got me." Just Lik Butta: Funny...cause I was kinda describing myself...I guess Jay was right, we are some what alike. "Lance...do you ever shut up" "Just Lik Butta: Nope..Nope... Just like you, I don't know when too... :) "So how are thing between you and Jay?" Just Lik Butta: Good, I really miss him when we are on the road. But I'll survive. I can't wait until Dec 18th when we finish and I'm back with him. "Well it's not that far away." Just Lik Butta: I know, but when I get back, I am going to do something special for him. "Just remember, Jay likes the little things. He likes people to think that he like the glamour and stuff, but he's a McDonnalds, Jeans and a t-shirt kinda guy. Oh and he is a total sucker for romance...flowers...candle light dinners...all that shit." Just lik Butta: Got it...Thanks Ky...Hey...I got to get going... We've been chatting over 2 hours now. "Shut up" Just Lik Butta: I'll talk to you later Ky...oh, if you ever see the screen name Chaszamm on IM, pop in and say Hi. "Why" I hit the send button, but got a message that the user was no longer available. I can't beleive that I was talking to Lance for over two hours. I've never talked to anyone that long, not even Jay. This is getting too weird for me. I glance at the clock at it was 2:32 pm. Shit, Kell was going to be home soon. I logged off of AOL and powered down her computer and popped out the disk with the picture of Jay and Josh. I looked around her room to make sure nothing was out of place and headed down stairs. I threw my washed shirt into the dryer and waited in the kitchen for Kell to come home. At 2:55pm I heard the door open and Kellie enter. "Uncle Kyle why are you here...you better not be on my computer." I heard her running up the stairs, so I walked out and sitting on the floor near the door was her backpack. I quietly walked to it and opened it up and dug through it. Inside her blue Biology notebook was a picture of Jay. I took it and folded it up and put it in my pocket, closed up her backpack and put it back where I found it. Walking over to the couch, I turned on the TV and sat down. A few minutes later Kellie came walking down the stairs. "How did you know my password." "I told you...I know what you're thinking...I'm inside your head... I've been there since the day you were born...I'll be there until the day you die." "Why are you here." "Your mom got called away on a overnight business trip...so saw my car in the driveway and ran the whole length of the block huh." "Shut up...you know I got a print out of Jay's picture." "Oh you mean this one." I said pulling it out of my pocket. "You suck." "Well, you play with the best, you die like the rest." "So Uncle Kyle, why were you looking at the picture of JC?" "W..W..What do you mean." "That was the last thing that was opened on my computer." I ran things through my mind....oh shit, I forgot about the my document feature. "Oh...I saw you had a picture of him and I got a copy to send to Jay. He has a thing for JC." "Funny...I think that Jay and Lance would make a really cute couple." "Why do you say that?" "I don't know, it's just that they would look good together, but Lance isn't gay and either is JC so he can forget about them." "Oh ok Kell, but Jay says that JC is eyecandy...so when I saw you had a picture of him, I just copied it to a disk for him. I borrowed one of your disks." "Remember to bring it back." "Remember who bought you the computer." For that comment I got a tongue sticking out at me. "So, how does pizza sound for dinner?" "Sounds good. I'm going to go play on the internet, see if I can find another picture of Jay to replace the one you deleted." "As long as it isn't pornographic you thirteen year old pervert." The tongue came out again as she ran up the stairs to her room. I kicked back on the couch and resumed watching TV. Nothing was really on, so I turned it to the cartoon network and after about 10 minutes, I had dozed off. Out of the blackness came a scream. I jumped up and looked around until I remembered where I was. "Kell, is everything ok." I yelled as I ran up the stairs. When I got to her room, she was looking at the computer screen with her hands on her cheeks repeating "Oh my God...oh my god" over and over. What's wrong Kell?" "H...H....He...kn..n...ows...m..m..my name." "Who?" She pointed at the screen and said "L...L...Lance." I looked at the screen and there was an IM window open. I fought back my laughter and bit my tongue. "Now why wouldn't your little boyfriend know your name?" "Noooooo.....Lance...from Nsync...Lance...the concert...Blond hair... deep voice...Lance...He knows my name...I've been chatting with him for a few weeks and all I told him was my name was K....but he just called me Kellie...He knows me....Oh my God...Lance knows my name." "Oh that's nice Kell," I said turning and walking out the door with a big smile on my face." As I hit the bottom of the stairs, the phone started to ring. I picked it up. "Hello" "Kyle...." "Mom...what's wrong?" "Kyle...honey...I have some bad news..." "What is it Mom?" "It's Jane...she died this morning." "...What happened Mom?" "She's been sick the last few weeks, she had a brain tumor Kyle...she knew about it for months...When was the last time you saw her?" "About three weeks ago, she looked good...Jay never said anything..." "He didn't know...Kyle...we can't get a hold of him...please get in touch with him..." "I will...Mom, why did they call you?" "Her housekeeper found her in bed this morning...she had died during the night...In her hands was a note saying to call us...here I'll read it to you...God Kyle I feel so bad...the note was inside an envelope. On the outside it said that if anything happened to her to call Gayle and it had my phone number on it. Listen... Dear Gayle, I am so sorry to put you through this, but you are the only one I can turn to. I am dying right now and I need you to promise me that you will take care of my baby. Please Gayle, promise me you will take care of him. He's all alone now and you are the only family he's got. Kyle and him have been brother's most of their lives, so I know he will never be lonely. But could you please do me one thing, just watch out for him. Be his mother from now on. I know this is a lot to ask of you, but I know that he loves you and he trust you. Please just keep an eye out for him. I know my time is near, I've known that this time was coming now for three months. I'm sorry I never let you know. I have not told anyone. I almost told Jay, but he was so happy about his first runway show. I couldn't do it. I couldn't spoil his moment. Please tell him that I am sorry...I would have done anything to be there, to see him shine. Tell him that for me and tell him that I love him...I will always love him. I will be eternally grateful. Jane "God" Was all I could say as tears were streaming down my cheeks. "Kyle, we're the only family he has left now..." "I know Mom, I know." "Dad and I have taken care of everything, get him here as fast as you can...ok honey." "Ok Mom." "I love you Kyle" "I love you too." I put the phone down and sat there in disbelief. "What's wrong Kyle?" I looked up and Kellie was standing at the top of the stairs. "It's Jay's mom...she died this morning." "I'm sorry." "It's ok Kell, I have to get a hold of Jay. After that, get ready and we will head over to Grandma and Grandpa's house ok." "Ok." She went back up into her room. I picked up the phone and dialed Jay's home phone number. It rang four times and I got the answering machine. "Jay...it's Kyle....pick up....Jay it's important...please pick up... Jay...please it's important you get a hold of me...please call me as soon as you get this message...please Jay... call my cell as soon as you get this message." My voice was getting shakey and as the realization of Jane's death hit me. I dialed his cell phone number and got his voice mail. I left the same message on his voice mail. I hung up the phone as the tears started flowing out of my eyes. Jane was like as second mother to me. I was thinking about her and the impact she made in my life when Kellie's voice broke my thoughts. "Kyle....Uncle Kyle...come here...Uncle Kyle...hurry." I raced up the stairs and into her room. "What's wrong?" "I was telling Lance I had to go cause your best friend's mom just passed away and he asked for you....how does he know you Uncle Kyle?" "I'll tell you later, move over." "Lance...this is Kyle...have you heard from Jay today?" Just Lik Butta: No...It was his Mom? "Yes, I've tried calling his house and his cell...no answer, Lance I need to talk with him...If you hear from him or if you can get a hold of him, tell him to call me please." Just Lik Butta: I will. Kyle is there anything I can do? "No Lance, not right now, I just need to get a hold of Jay." Just Lik Butta: Ok...I will try his agency and try paging him. Kyle, I'm sorry to hear about her, I heard she was a good woman...I wish I could have met her. "She was...she would have liked you." Just Lik Butta: Take care Kyle and I'll talk to you later. "Ok Lance...thanks." His screen name faded as I turned around. Kellie was standing behind me with her hands on her hips and her mouth open. "H...How do you know Lance?" "Ummmm" "UNCLE KYLE...HOW DO YOU KNOW LANCE?" "Kell, if I tell you...you've go to promise to keep it a secret...you can't tell anyone, not even your parents...and especially not any, I mean any of your friend...promise?" "I promise." "If you breath one word of what I'm going to tell you, I will never speak to you again... got it?" "I swear I won't say a word." "Ok...well remember when you said that Jay and Lance would be a cute couple?" "Shut up...no way...he's gay....no way...not Lance...Uncle Kyle?" "Remember, not a word...now come on, get ready, we have to go to your grandparent's house." I went downstairs to get my keys off the counter. When I got to the kitchen, my cell phone started ringing. I grabbed it and my keys. "Hello." "Ky...got you message...did you have another Josh dream and need to bend my ear....Ky....Hello." "Jay...." "Kyle...what's wrong..." "Jay...It's your mother...I'm so sorry." "Kyle..." "I'm sorry Jay..." "Nooo...Kyle...no...not Mom...no..." "Jay...I'm..." "Noooooooo." A bang came through the phone as it fell to the floor. I could hear Jay in the background crying. "Jay...Jason....JASON...fuck...J A S O N...."